The Inner Struggle
by MrGrayson24
Summary: Robin messes up as leader and Megan gets hurt on a mission because of it. But, when the guilt gets in the way of the job, he's asked to step down as leader. One Shot - BirdFlash - Hurt/Comfort - Drama - Romance


Title: The Inner Struggle

Author: MrGrayson24

Rating: G

Chapter: 1/1

Disclaimer: Ain't mine

Summary: Robin messes up as leader and Megan gets hurt on a mission because of it. But, when the guilt gets in the way of the job, he's asked to step down as leader.

-x-

"So, what's on your mind?" Black Canary asked. She leaned forward and rested her head in her hand.

"Ummm…" Dick started. He wasn't usually nervous but now he couldn't stop playing with the hem of his shirt. "I've just been having these… eruptions, since becoming team lead."

"What do you mean eruptions?" Her voice was unreadable.

"You know the mission we took to the Amazon?"

She nodded. "If I remember correctly, Megan came back hurt."

Robin's voice was tight. "She did." He took a deep breath. "It was my fault. I went off on my own, I thought I could handle things by myself and I left her without cover." He looked down at his feet. "And since then… I've been feeling, I don't know… unsettled?" He sighed. "I don't know how to get over the guilt."

"Have you spoken with your teammates about what happened?"

"A little. Megan swears she's not mad but I can tell I let her down. Conner won't talk to me and rightfully so. Kaldur and Artemis say they understand."

"What about Wally?"

"I…" Dick glanced away. "We haven't talked about it."

"You guys are still together, yes?"

"We are… it's just… I don't think I can handle him being disappointed in me, too." He couldn't keep the tears from his eyes. "He's kind of the only good thing I have right now and… I don't want to lose him."

"Robin... it's important to acknowledge what happened but you don't have to blame yourself. You made a bad judgement call."

Robin bit his lip.

"But this job requires you to make a choice, all the time, and the stakes are impossibly high. Especially for someone your age." She gave him a warm smile. "Being a leader means you are always going to have to make the hard decisions, and sometimes people will get hurt because of them."

"But how can I make choices if someone I love might get hurt if I chose the wrong one?"

"Because they understand the position you're in." She said. "There will always be doubt. There will always be guilt and regret. Emotions don't go just away because we want them to. They are always there. Don't fight them. Accept them. Acknowledge them. Be stronger for them."

-x-

"Hey, dude." Wally beamed as Dick exited from his session with Black Canary. "How did it go?"

Dick shrugged. "Fine." His eyes were still red. "She just wanted to check-in after the Megan stuff."

Wally nodded. "Yeah, that was a tough break." He reached for Dick's hand. "Are you okay?"

Dick pulled away. "I said I'm fine." The feeling he had tried so hard to suppress rose to the surface.

He ran Black Canary's mantra in his head.

 _Emotions don't go just away because we want them to. They are always going to be there._

"Are you sure?" Wally asked.

Robin felt the tears build.

 _Don't fight them. Accept them._

"Really." He said as he turned to leave. "I just need to go prep for the next mission."

 _Acknowledge them. Be stronger for them._

He felt the pressure on his chest release, only slightly as he left Wally alone in the hall.

-x-

"Alright, here we go everybody." Robin said into the comm. "We just have to let them filter out. Nobody make a move until the gates are closed."

Robin was poised high above the forest path as his group was spread out along it. The Scarecrow was rumored to be inside with a large host of his toxin, and guards to protect it. Their mission was to stop and apprehend the group, but not until they had all left the safety of Scarecrow's hideout.

"Here they come." The gates opened and a long row of SUV's drove into the forest.

"Robin?" It was Megan. Just the sound of her voice filled Dick with paralyzing guilt. "I think there's more than we thought."

 _Emotions don't go just away because we want them to. They are always going to be there._

They had been prepared for six vehicles, at the most, while a dozen had already come down the path.

"What do we do?" Megan asked

Conner scoffed on the line and Dick's stomach sank. "Um…" He couldn't get his mind to form concrete thoughts. "I… just hold…"

 _Don't fight them. Accept them._

"You want us to hold?" Artemis questioned. "If they make it to the pier, they're gonna get away."

"I know… I…" His heart rate increased. He sat on the floor and clutched his head between his hands.

 _Acknowledge them._

"Robin? What's going on?" Kid Flash's voice rang on the comm. "Are you okay?"

His vision narrowed to a fine point and his breath came out in huge gasps. "It's… fine…."

 _Be stronger for them._

There was a ringing in his ear, followed by the washed out voices of his teammates and he lost consciousness.

-x-

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Wally's arms were crossed over his chest.

"Okay." Robin clenched his jaw. "What's going on?"

The group had congregated in the living room of Mt. Justice and all of them wore serious expressions.

"We wanted to talk about what happened last night." Megan said, gently.

A tidal wave of despair broke in Dick's stomach.

" _Not now!"_ he thought. He took a deep breath and then came the voice.

 _Emotions don't go just away because we want them to. They are always going to be there._

"Yeah…" He managed to steady his mind. "I know I've been a little out of it…"

"Yeah…" Conner rolled his eyes. "A little."

" _Conner!_ " Megan snapped at him.

Artemis went up to Robin and put her hands on his shoulders. "Nobody is mad at you. We're just worried. It's not like you to break down like that."

"I didn't break down!" Robin snapped. The feeling grew stronger and he wanted to scream at them, to storm out of the room, to break down on the floor but he was frozen.

Artemis's grasp was firm. "That's not how I meant it." She sighed. "But we've been talking and…" She looked over her shoulder and Kaldur nodded to her. "... and we think it might be best if you stepped down as leader."

The horror on Robin's face was clear.

"Just until you figure things out!" Artemis finished, quickly. "We just don't want you to get hurt."

 _Don't fight them. Accept them._

He looked to Wally. "And… you agree with them?"

 _Acknowledge them._

Wally looked to the floor. "I don't know, dude. You won't tell us what's going on with you… and the Scarecrow got away last night… maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing…"

"Stop." Robin pushed Artemis's hands away and started to the door. He didn't fight the feeling of anger, that one was easy to accept.

"Robin, please don't go." Wally called.

 _Be stronger for them._

Robin had already left the cave.

-x-

"How are you doing?" Red Tornado asked as he approached.

"Tired of people asking me that." Dick sat in front of the main computer terminal, as image after image of the Amazon mission flashed on the screen.

"Repetition is a response to uncertainty." He said. "Your friends continue to ask because you don't answer."

"Thanks." Dick grumbled. "I got that part."

There was a silence and Dick sighed. "Have they checked-in, yet?"

"They have." Red Tornado took the seat next to Dick. "The mission was a successful. The Scarecrow has been apprehended. They will return after they've reported to the Justice League."

Dick nodded. He was happy his friends were okay but he'd have to leave before they got back. He didn't know what to say to them.

"Why are you not on the mission?" Red Tornado asked.

Dick looked down. "They've deemed me unfit for active combat at this time."

"I see." Red Tornado stated.

There was another long silence.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Red Tornado nodded. "You may."

"You can feel, right? Like, emotions?"

"I have an intimate understanding of the human experience, along with the effects of hormones and past traumas. But no, I do not feel any of it."

"Lucky." There was a surge in his stomach, but Dick didn't stop it, he let it flow out his mouth. "They told me they didn't want me. Because I was too unstable." He wiped his eye with the back of his hand. "Which, I guess I am. And now, it just feels like I'm dragging this huge weight around with me everywhere I go and I don't know how to shake it. I don't know how to get better."

 _Emotions don't go just away because we want them to._

"The human brain is designed to move forward. If there is a problem that continues to plague you, it means you have not dealt with it effectively."

 _They are always there. Don't fight them. Accept them._

"But I don't know how to deal with it effectively." Dick's frustration grew. "I keep trying to slow down and breath, and feel better but it doesn't work. I can't do it on my own."

 _Acknowledge them._

"Then I believe that's what loved ones are for."

 _Be stronger for them._

-x-

Wally sauntered into his room and froze when he saw Dick, seated on his bed. "Hey, bro. How are y-"

"I feel really bad." Robin started. "I feel terrible for what happened to Megan and even worse for letting you guys down."

The flow of emotion started and threatened to explode inside of him. He wanted to run but he forced himself to look at Wally.

 _Emotions don't go just away because we want them to._

Wally nodded and sat next to Dick. "I'm really glad you said something. It's been hard to watch you go insist on dealing with this by yourself."

It was small, but there was a break. Something other than dread, or fear, or sadness. It was warm and for the first time in a long time, Dick felt a strange relief.

 _They are always there._

"I didn't want to talk about it… I wanted it to go away. But I'm ready now. I'm sorry it took me this long."

"Don't." Wally crawled up next to Dick and sat against the headboard with him. "Start at the beginning. Go through every bad thought you've had about yourself and I'll tell you why they're wrong and stupid." He smiled.

 _Don't fight them. Accept them. Acknowledge them._

Dick kissed him. "I don't deserve you."

 _Be stronger for them._

"Stupid thought number one." Wally kissed him back. "Yes you do."

-x-


End file.
